The Life & Times of Nick Keller

listen up my friends, i'm gonna tell you 'bout a feller
he lurks around at meijer and goes by the name of keller
i can't think of anyone who could be any sweller
than keller

now this guy named keller, his first name being nick
he'd cook everyone dinner, but then sometimes he's a prick
he'd shove you in the corner, then he'd hit you with a stick
oh, nick keller

keller thanks for the help man
keller there's no need to shove
you're mean, but you're nice about it
nice, but you're mean about it
you're the bully that we love

he is six feet tall and his belly's three-foot-wide
when he saw "saving private ryan" at the end he cried
outside he is big and mean, but he's soft and sweet inside
oh, nick keller

he knows exactly what to do to be the biggest jerk
if you ask him for some candy, he'll say no and smirk
but then he'll offer it to someone else, maybe even someone named "kirk"
oh, nick keller

keller thanks for the help man
keller there's no need to shove
you're mean, but you're nice about it
nice, but you're mean about it
you're the bully that we love

one time a dog got killed and then he laughed for days
but if someone even touched his cousin, he'd punch 'em in the face
he looks out for his friends, but then he'd spray 'em all with mace
oh, nick keller

so if you're out of money, he'll loan you some for gas
he'll step on your broken foot, but then he'll help you walk to class
he has the biggest heart, too bad it's beneath the biggest ass
oh, nick keller

keller thanks for the help man
keller there's no need to shove
you're mean, but you're nice about it
nice, but you're mean about it
you're the bully that we love

keller thanks for the help man
keller there's no need to shove
you're mean, but you're nice about it
nice, but you're mean about it
you're the bully that we love

keller thanks for the help man
keller there's no need to shove
you're mean, but you're nice about it
nice, but you're mean about it
you're the bully that we love